I went to an Anti-Aging Center today, not because I wanted to, I’m a young man who isn’t afraid to die, it was because my mother forced me to do it. It was morning when we decided to go and here was my first surprise, the Center is a house, a plain house with some medical equipment and a Porsche Carrera in the garage, which I guess belongs to some famous anti aging Doctor involved in the business. My first thought was very negative about this place, either way I decided to enter with my mom and a positive mind. When I entered, I saw all the Centre’s crew praying with the patients a weird positive medical creed, holding hands together and I totally lost my hope. At that point forward, I was just curious and nothing more, the respect was gone.
It was a huge waiting line and the waiting room was too small, I talked to the secretary/nurse to put my name on the waiting list, she wrote it down and told me to take a seat, thing that I did after pick it up my Chuck Norris Fact Book while I waited FOR THREE hours with a bunch of old ladies and gentlemen. Finally my name was call out and I went to the Doctor’s office, intriguing about the consultation that was about to happen.
So I met the Doctor, a typical Venezuelan old man, with a beer belly, brown skin and a fake smile. He shook my hand and we went to his office. The tests started, some of them very common and others pretty weird. I will name a few below:
- Wood stick test: with you writing hand, you have to pick up a falling object in the air. In my case, I always grabbed the end of the stick like it was a sword to defend myself for all this weird medical religious stuff.
- Balance test: stand in one foot, left or right, depending if you’re left or right handed and maintain the equilibrium with your eyes closed. Easy test for me.
- Paper with some letters in your face: a piece of paper glued into your forehead, you have to read the words in it. I couldn’t read it.
The results impressed me. According to this #cough# FAKE #cough# Doctor, my systems, organs and organism in general has fifty eight years old and by the way, I’m fat. I burst in rage because I don’t smoke, do a lot sports every day, eat healthy, don’t drink and I’m thin (you can see me in the Mr. H presents videos), so of course I demanded an explanation, which he replied saying “It’s your metabolism brother”, so I re replied “I feel great Doc, I will run 10 Km today, like I always do each day”. He evaded my claim and looked at me with a big fake smile and said this:
DO YOU BELIEVE IN GOD SON?
I said “I guess”, so we held hands with a nearby nurse to pray another weird medical creed related to my testicles. WTF? Nobody mess with my testicles.
FUCK THIS SHIT. I’M DONE. WHAT A STUPID DAY!